Just finished watching the soap on catch-up. That Jeff guy reminds me of my ex and dad. Why do women allow this to happen?
Where I work (care home) we have an resident that opened up to me a couple of years ago about how her life was wasted lost due to her husbands controlling nature. She was originally from Bangladesh. Her husband would not let her out to work and to the shops but as they got older she was allowed to the corner shop in the morning "when a woman served there." This woman worked from home, long hours on a sewing machine. She had no one to turn to as it was expected in their circles, family. She hid it and when others asked her out she would make excuses unless her husband was with her. The husband died several years ago and this lady passed away last year.
I almost fell into the trap when my phone was checked and comeback was, you can check mine. I had to account every penny and I was stopped going out with friends as my ex convinced me that they were "immoral, cheats, slags" some were but I don't follow like sheep. I left him the third time he hit me and I was lucky as my mum and siblings were supportive and we lived in council rented property and I was given a new flat about 12 months on. The Jeff story did bring it back but I am one of the lucky ones. So many women give into their controlling partners but there is a lot of support out there and you don't need to leave your flat to get it. I actually feel better sharing this.
Cornation
Syl said
Feb 9 2:00 PM, 2020
Many women suffer emotional and physical abuse for years before they ask for help, some never do.
I admire everyone who manages to get out from an abusive relationship, it's not easy, especially if kids are involved.
The Coronation St depiction of an increasingly abusive husband has been brilliant. Everyone involved with that storyline have obviously done their research and the two actors are playing the parts brilliantly...especially Jeff.
Magica said
Feb 9 2:28 PM, 2020
I just want to smack him round the chops
Many women suffer from mental abuse, and because it's not physical think how can I prove it. They then fall into the trap that it's their fault and hate themselves for being so wrong and not good for their partners. It beats them down until they have no self worth, no confidence, no love of themselves. Gladly there is help for them, but still so much needs to be done.
Anonymous said
Feb 9 2:37 PM, 2020
Is this innate behaviour or learned behaviour - the man considering the woman his property and treating her as such with controlling behaviour? If it is "learnt" where do these men learn it and why do they continue to do it when they implement this learnt behaviour seeing the obvious effect it must have on the woman?
Digger said
Feb 9 2:51 PM, 2020
I grew up around marital abuse and won't watch it for entertainment.
Anonymous said
Feb 9 3:07 PM, 2020
It seems to be common. There is also abuse meted out from parents and step-parents on children. Did this Jeff character and his abused wife have children? Did this Bangladeshi person have children - and was the husband also of Bangladeshi origin?
Syl said
Feb 9 3:24 PM, 2020
Anonymous wrote:
It seems to be common. There is also abuse meted out from parents and step-parents on children. Did this Jeff character and his abused wife have children? Did this Bangladeshi person have children - and was the husband also of Bangladeshi origin?
Jeff is a made up character in Coronation St.
In this instance it's a new relationship. Both quite elderly, which I think has added an extra dimension to the subject. How could an independent woman with grown up children accept the sort of escalating abuse that her new partner is subjecting her to?
Last week she confronted his behaviour and he broke down in tears begging her to stay.....which I think is often typical of an abuser.
Magica said
Feb 9 7:22 PM, 2020
Yes Syl, the abuser becomes the victim. Very cleverly done to pull the abused person back in.
Syl said
Feb 9 11:27 PM, 2020
Magica wrote:
Yes Syl, the abuser becomes the victim. Very cleverly done to pull the abused person back in.
I reckon it wont be long before he gets really violent.
dr synne said
Feb 9 11:45 PM, 2020
Syl wrote:
Magica wrote:
Yes Syl, the abuser becomes the victim. Very cleverly done to pull the abused person back in.
I reckon it wont be long before he gets really violent.
Wasted five years of my life with a control freak.
You would be surprised how easy it is to get sucked into that sort of situation. Starts subtly with a mix of hectoring and emotional blackmail and reaches a point where it's just easier to give in and keep the peace. I would have preferred someone who was physically abusive because after one slap too many I would've retaliated and that would have been an end to it. But they know the best way to play you.
Never thought I could let anyone do that to me but there it is. Fucked off with half my savings and a drug addict boyfriend. happiest day of my life.
Syl said
Feb 9 11:52 PM, 2020
dr synne wrote:
Syl wrote:
Magica wrote:
Yes Syl, the abuser becomes the victim. Very cleverly done to pull the abused person back in.
I reckon it wont be long before he gets really violent.
Wasted five years of my life with a control freak.
You would be surprised how easy it is to get sucked into that sort of situation. Starts subtly with a mix of hectoring and emotional blackmail and reaches a point where it's just easier to give in and keep the peace. I would have preferred someone who was physically abusive because after one slap too many I would've retaliated and that would have been an end to it. But they know the best way to play you.
Never thought I could let anyone do that to me but there it is. Fucked off with half my savings and a drug addict boyfriend. happiest day of my life.
Sounds like you had a lucky escape even if it did cost you.
Domestic abusers are often charming, they suck you in, manipulate you, and isolate you from friends and family.
It takes guts to get free because oftentimes they have knocked the self belief out of you.
John Doe said
Feb 10 12:14 AM, 2020
Men can be abused too - although it is often more psychological than physical and far more embarrassing for the victim because with retaliation they could end it but have been conditioned not to do such a despicable thing.
Anonymous said
Feb 10 4:12 AM, 2020
John Doe wrote:
Men can be abused too - although it is often more psychological than physical and far more embarrassing for the victim because with retaliation they could end it but have been conditioned not to do such a despicable thing.
I've heard about a bloke who took money from his partner's disabled son. That was also a form of abuse so it comes in many guises.
Anonymous said
Feb 10 6:02 AM, 2020
John Doe wrote:
Men can be abused too - although it is often more psychological than physical and far more embarrassing for the victim because with retaliation they could end it but have been conditioned not to do such a despicable thing.
Yes, it's much worse for men. Div. Typical DS the only contribution is to say "what about the men"
Everyone could end it in reality. Everyone is conditioned and that is what attracts the abuser. Many men/women play the poor me victim of life, no one loves me or cares about me, they attract those women/men who are vulnerable and people pleasers they try to help and in turn get trapped in a nightmare. Every time the person tries to leave the other turns into a child who is oh so sorry and when that no longer works they will then say how nasty you are to anyone who will listen. Making out they are the long-suffering one. normally with the famous lines "This says more about you than me"
dr synne said
Feb 10 12:09 PM, 2020
Anonymous wrote:
John Doe wrote:
Men can be abused too - although it is often more psychological than physical and far more embarrassing for the victim because with retaliation they could end it but have been conditioned not to do such a despicable thing.
Yes, it's much worse for men. Div. Typical DS the only contribution is to say "what about the men"
Everyone could end it in reality. Everyone is conditioned and that is what attracts the abuser. Many men/women play the poor me victim of life, no one loves me or cares about me, they attract those women/men who are vulnerable and people pleasers they try to help and in turn get trapped in a nightmare. Every time the person tries to leave the other turns into a child who is oh so sorry and when that no longer works they will then say how nasty you are to anyone who will listen. Making out they are the long-suffering one. normally with the famous lines "This says more about you than me"
No it's not that men have it worse. It's just as bad. No one deserves it, or should be considered better able to handle it.
Syl said
Feb 10 12:31 PM, 2020
Anonymous wrote:
John Doe wrote:
Men can be abused too - although it is often more psychological than physical and far more embarrassing for the victim because with retaliation they could end it but have been conditioned not to do such a despicable thing.
Yes, it's much worse for men. Div. Typical DS the only contribution is to say "what about the men"
Everyone could end it in reality. Everyone is conditioned and that is what attracts the abuser. Many men/women play the poor me victim of life, no one loves me or cares about me, they attract those women/men who are vulnerable and people pleasers they try to help and in turn get trapped in a nightmare. Every time the person tries to leave the other turns into a child who is oh so sorry and when that no longer works they will then say how nasty you are to anyone who will listen. Making out they are the long-suffering one. normally with the famous lines "This says more about you than me"
It's neither worse nor better for men. Everyone who is in an abusive relationship is suffering. Obviously some suffer more than most depending on how abusive the relationship is.
I don't think a certain 'type' of person get's trapped into an abusive relationship. Many abusers don't show their true colours at first, it's a gradual protest.
Syl said
Feb 10 12:32 PM, 2020
Anonymous wrote:
John Doe wrote:
Men can be abused too - although it is often more psychological than physical and far more embarrassing for the victim because with retaliation they could end it but have been conditioned not to do such a despicable thing.
I've heard about a bloke who took money from his partner's disabled son. That was also a form of abuse so it comes in many guises.
I've heard about little green fairies that live in the woods near me, it doesn't mean it's factual though.
Anonymous said
Feb 10 1:06 PM, 2020
Syl wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
John Doe wrote:
Men can be abused too - although it is often more psychological than physical and far more embarrassing for the victim because with retaliation they could end it but have been conditioned not to do such a despicable thing.
I've heard about a bloke who took money from his partner's disabled son. That was also a form of abuse so it comes in many guises.
I've heard about little green fairies that live in the woods near me, it doesn't mean it's factual though.
Yer, you keep protecting him, as all the others did until it happened to them, hope it makes you feel good to call those he abused liers. You will see the truth of it one day.
dr synne said
Feb 10 1:11 PM, 2020
Syl wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
John Doe wrote:
Men can be abused too - although it is often more psychological than physical and far more embarrassing for the victim because with retaliation they could end it but have been conditioned not to do such a despicable thing.
I've heard about a bloke who took money from his partner's disabled son. That was also a form of abuse so it comes in many guises.
I've heard about little green fairies that live in the woods near me, it doesn't mean it's factual though.
Wait...what...you mean they're not real!
Syl said
Feb 10 1:19 PM, 2020
Anonymous wrote:
Syl wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
John Doe wrote:
Men can be abused too - although it is often more psychological than physical and far more embarrassing for the victim because with retaliation they could end it but have been conditioned not to do such a despicable thing.
I've heard about a bloke who took money from his partner's disabled son. That was also a form of abuse so it comes in many guises.
I've heard about little green fairies that live in the woods near me, it doesn't mean it's factual though.
Yer, you keep protecting him, as all the others did until it happened to them, hope it makes you feel good to call those he abused liers. You will see the truth of it one day.
If anyone on this forum or any other has taken money from a disabled child surely that's a matter for the police to deal with.
A whining section on a public forum would be the last place a genuine crime should be aired.
Anyone can libel anyone else hidden behind Anonymous...so whilst your claims are nothing more than malicious hot air, my claims that you are a whimpering coward are spot on.
Just finished watching the soap on catch-up. That Jeff guy reminds me of my ex and dad. Why do women allow this to happen?
Where I work (care home) we have an resident that opened up to me a couple of years ago about how her life was wasted lost due to her husbands controlling nature. She was originally from Bangladesh. Her husband would not let her out to work and to the shops but as they got older she was allowed to the corner shop in the morning "when a woman served there." This woman worked from home, long hours on a sewing machine. She had no one to turn to as it was expected in their circles, family. She hid it and when others asked her out she would make excuses unless her husband was with her. The husband died several years ago and this lady passed away last year.
I almost fell into the trap when my phone was checked and comeback was, you can check mine. I had to account every penny and I was stopped going out with friends as my ex convinced me that they were "immoral, cheats, slags" some were but I don't follow like sheep. I left him the third time he hit me and I was lucky as my mum and siblings were supportive and we lived in council rented property and I was given a new flat about 12 months on. The Jeff story did bring it back but I am one of the lucky ones. So many women give into their controlling partners but there is a lot of support out there and you don't need to leave your flat to get it. I actually feel better sharing this.
Cornation
I admire everyone who manages to get out from an abusive relationship, it's not easy, especially if kids are involved.
The Coronation St depiction of an increasingly abusive husband has been brilliant. Everyone involved with that storyline have obviously done their research and the two actors are playing the parts brilliantly...especially Jeff.
I just want to smack him round the chops
Many women suffer from mental abuse, and because it's not physical think how can I prove it. They then fall into the trap that it's their fault and hate themselves for being so wrong and not good for their partners. It beats them down until they have no self worth, no confidence, no love of themselves. Gladly there is help for them, but still so much needs to be done.
Is this innate behaviour or learned behaviour - the man considering the woman his property and treating her as such with controlling behaviour? If it is "learnt" where do these men learn it and why do they continue to do it when they implement this learnt behaviour seeing the obvious effect it must have on the woman?
It seems to be common. There is also abuse meted out from parents and step-parents on children. Did this Jeff character and his abused wife have children? Did this Bangladeshi person have children - and was the husband also of Bangladeshi origin?
Jeff is a made up character in Coronation St.
In this instance it's a new relationship. Both quite elderly, which I think has added an extra dimension to the subject. How could an independent woman with grown up children accept the sort of escalating abuse that her new partner is subjecting her to?
Last week she confronted his behaviour and he broke down in tears begging her to stay.....which I think is often typical of an abuser.
Yes Syl, the abuser becomes the victim. Very cleverly done to pull the abused person back in.
I reckon it wont be long before he gets really violent.
Wasted five years of my life with a control freak.
You would be surprised how easy it is to get sucked into that sort of situation. Starts subtly with a mix of hectoring and emotional blackmail and reaches a point where it's just easier to give in and keep the peace. I would have preferred someone who was physically abusive because after one slap too many I would've retaliated and that would have been an end to it. But they know the best way to play you.
Never thought I could let anyone do that to me but there it is. Fucked off with half my savings and a drug addict boyfriend. happiest day of my life.
Sounds like you had a lucky escape even if it did cost you.
Domestic abusers are often charming, they suck you in, manipulate you, and isolate you from friends and family.
It takes guts to get free because oftentimes they have knocked the self belief out of you.
I've heard about a bloke who took money from his partner's disabled son. That was also a form of abuse so it comes in many guises.
Yes, it's much worse for men. Div. Typical DS the only contribution is to say "what about the men"
Everyone could end it in reality. Everyone is conditioned and that is what attracts the abuser. Many men/women play the poor me victim of life, no one loves me or cares about me, they attract those women/men who are vulnerable and people pleasers they try to help and in turn get trapped in a nightmare. Every time the person tries to leave the other turns into a child who is oh so sorry and when that no longer works they will then say how nasty you are to anyone who will listen. Making out they are the long-suffering one. normally with the famous lines "This says more about you than me"
No it's not that men have it worse. It's just as bad. No one deserves it, or should be considered better able to handle it.
It's neither worse nor better for men. Everyone who is in an abusive relationship is suffering. Obviously some suffer more than most depending on how abusive the relationship is.
I don't think a certain 'type' of person get's trapped into an abusive relationship. Many abusers don't show their true colours at first, it's a gradual protest.
I've heard about little green fairies that live in the woods near me, it doesn't mean it's factual though.
Yer, you keep protecting him, as all the others did until it happened to them, hope it makes you feel good to call those he abused liers. You will see the truth of it one day.
Wait...what...you mean they're not real!
If anyone on this forum or any other has taken money from a disabled child surely that's a matter for the police to deal with.
A whining section on a public forum would be the last place a genuine crime should be aired.
Anyone can libel anyone else hidden behind Anonymous...so whilst your claims are nothing more than malicious hot air, my claims that you are a whimpering coward are spot on.