I had a friend for many years, that no matter my prob, turned it round to her. She always said she was ill, loved being ill. When we parted friends I had such a weight lifted off me. She drained me for years because I just felt rotten if I left, so stayed when other friends left. They told me they couldn't put.up with her, but I felt sorry for her. I was her friend, she wasn't mine. Took me years to realise that even after my friends told me.
Syl said
Jun 23 11:36 PM, 2025
Vam wrote:
Which of these, if any, have you been known to say?
There’s definitely a #5 and a #8 in my circle of friends
Snap....I also have a No5.
You know the song 'Anything you can do I can do better'? It could have been written for her.
We have been mates for 40 years, and because I know that her bragging is more a sign of her feeling less confident rather than her feeling superior, I ignore it most of the time.
Maddog said
Jun 24 1:34 AM, 2025
I have said number 4, but not in that context. I have had people do things for me that I never wanted, nor were of any benefit to me, but were used by the people doing something for me, to shame me into doing something for them..
Syl said
Jun 24 12:11 PM, 2025
Maddog wrote:
I have said number 4, but not in that context. I have had people do things for me that I never wanted, nor were of any benefit to me, but were used by the people doing something for me, to shame me into doing something for them..
I hate that feeling of being beholden to someone. I think it's one reason why so many women, especially nowadays, but I was always like this even when young, didn't want a man paying for me when I was out with him, I liked to pay my way till the relationship moved on.
Maddog said
Jun 24 3:23 PM, 2025
Syl wrote:
Maddog wrote:
I have said number 4, but not in that context. I have had people do things for me that I never wanted, nor were of any benefit to me, but were used by the people doing something for me, to shame me into doing something for them..
I hate that feeling of being beholden to someone. I think it's one reason why so many women, especially nowadays, but I was always like this even when young, didn't want a man paying for me when I was out with him, I liked to pay my way till the relationship moved on.
Yup.
My ex wife would go shopping and buy me clothes or whatever, when I didn't need them and money was tight. She would get upset when I told her doing something for me would be leaving the money in the bank so the end off the month wasn't so stressful for me..
I had a friend for many years, that no matter my prob, turned it round to her. She always said she was ill, loved being ill. When we parted friends I had such a weight lifted off me. She drained me for years because I just felt rotten if I left, so stayed when other friends left. They told me they couldn't put.up with her, but I felt sorry for her. I was her friend, she wasn't mine. Took me years to realise that even after my friends told me.
A couple of our friends are SO done with our #8, Mags. So much so, that they’ll deliberately keep their distance as far from her as possible whenever we all get together.
Similar to your #8, dealing with mine can be like pushing a boulder up a hill. Her whole vibe is an envious ‘Yeah well, it’s alright for YOU…‘, plus lots of weary sighing. And like yours, any minor illness/cold/bug we mention - guaranteed she’s had it a million times worse.
You picked exactly the right word - all the subliminal guilt-tripping is draining!
Thing is, unlike my other friends, I’m still not ready to cut her loose just yet. She’s had a few very bad breaks in life, and I do feel for her about that. Also, when she gets her head out of her own arse and just relaxes a bit, she can be a good laugh.
That doesn’t happen too often, but often enough for me to still give a damn about her 🤷🏻♀️
Vam said
Jun 24 5:04 PM, 2025
Syl wrote:
Vam wrote:
Which of these, if any, have you been known to say?
🤷🏻♀️ Personally, I see no problem with #1 (but not if it means refusing to help out someone in need).
Definitely no prob with #5 either! 😂
I might have said them all at least once in my life.
Glad it’s not just me!
Vam said
Jun 24 5:08 PM, 2025
Maddog wrote:
I have said number 4, but not in that context. I have had people do things for me that I never wanted, nor were of any benefit to me, but were used by the people doing something for me, to shame me into doing something for them..
Classic guilt-tripping 101
So the question is, are you then shamed into doing something for them in return?
(I’m betting ‘Nope’ )
Maddog said
Jun 24 7:49 PM, 2025
Vam wrote:
Maddog wrote:
I have said number 4, but not in that context. I have had people do things for me that I never wanted, nor were of any benefit to me, but were used by the people doing something for me, to shame me into doing something for them..
Classic guilt-tripping 101
So the question is, are you then shamed into doing something for them in return?
(I’m betting ‘Nope’ )
I tried to keep the peace with mixed results..
A spousel unit is a different kettle of fish..
Digger said
Jun 25 4:40 AM, 2025
I don't really use any of those. I'm a fuck off, you arsehole, kinda gal.
I had a friend for many years, that no matter my prob, turned it round to her. She always said she was ill, loved being ill. When we parted friends I had such a weight lifted off me. She drained me for years because I just felt rotten if I left, so stayed when other friends left. They told me they couldn't put.up with her, but I felt sorry for her. I was her friend, she wasn't mine. Took me years to realise that even after my friends told me.
A couple of our friends are SO done with our #8, Mags. So much so, that they’ll deliberately keep their distance as far from her as possible whenever we all get together.
Similar to your #8, dealing with mine can be like pushing a boulder up a hill. Her whole vibe is an envious ‘Yeah well, it’s alright for YOU…‘, plus lots of weary sighing. And like yours, any minor illness/cold/bug we mention - guaranteed she’s had it a million times worse.
You picked exactly the right word - all the subliminal guilt-tripping is draining!
Thing is, unlike my other friends, I’m still not ready to cut her loose just yet. She’s had a few very bad breaks in life, and I do feel for her about that. Also, when she gets her head out of her own arse and just relaxes a bit, she can be a good laugh.
That doesn’t happen too often, but often enough for me to still give a damn about her 🤷🏻♀️
Sooner or later you will move on. I never dumped her, I wanted to but like you Vam I couldn't do it. I felt I would hurt her. She did me after everything. Never spared my feelings. Had nothing in common she said, after 30yrs lol.
I was sad for a long time, but realised I felt more energised. Her poor me sucked the life out of me and I felt like a dead battery. I'm glad now, she did me a favour that I couldn't do myself.
Syl said
Jun 25 12:10 PM, 2025
Digger wrote:
I don't really use any of those. I'm a fuck off, you arsehole, kinda gal.
I think you have to give people a chance.
My yardstick is resentment, as soon as I feel resentful that someone is taking a lot more than they are giving, I have no qualms in finishing a relationship, and once finished, that's it.
Digger said
Jun 25 1:54 PM, 2025
Syl wrote:
Digger wrote:
I don't really use any of those. I'm a fuck off, you arsehole, kinda gal.
I think you have to give people a chance.
My yardstick is resentment, as soon as I feel resentful that someone is taking a lot more than they are giving, I have no qualms in finishing a relationship, and once finished, that's it.
Yep. One might not say fuck off you arsehole and don't come back but one certainly thinks it.
Vam said
Jun 25 2:09 PM, 2025
Digger wrote:
Syl wrote:
Digger wrote:
I don't really use any of those. I'm a fuck off, you arsehole, kinda gal.
I think you have to give people a chance.
My yardstick is resentment, as soon as I feel resentful that someone is taking a lot more than they are giving, I have no qualms in finishing a relationship, and once finished, that's it.
Yep. One might not say fuck off you arsehole and don't come back but one certainly thinks it.
Which of these, if any, have you been known to say?
https://geediting.com/dan-10-phrases-deeply-selfish-people-use-in-everyday-conversation/
😂
🤷🏻♀️ Personally, I see no problem with #1 (but not if it means refusing to help out someone in need).
Definitely no prob with #5 either!
... do you have anyone of these in your life?
https://vegoutmag.com/lifestyle/dna-8-types-of-people-that-are-just-not-worth-keeping-in-touch-with/
There’s definitely a #5 and a #8 in my circle of friends
No I don't associate with these, I must be strange lol 😋
Oh I clicked on but it don't come up Vam. 🤔
Oops…it works when I click on it, Mags
Hang on a mo’ and I’ll try reposting the link again …. 🤞🏻🤞🏻
https://vegoutmag.com/lifestyle/dna-8-types-of-people-that-are-just-not-worth-keeping-in-touch-with/
Thanks Vam, I did.it. Mine is 1 and 8.
I had a friend for many years, that no matter my prob, turned it round to her. She always said she was ill, loved being ill. When we parted friends I had such a weight lifted off me. She drained me for years because I just felt rotten if I left, so stayed when other friends left. They told me they couldn't put.up with her, but I felt sorry for her. I was her friend, she wasn't mine. Took me years to realise that even after my friends told me.
I might have said them all at least once in my life.
Snap....I also have a No5.
You know the song 'Anything you can do I can do better'? It could have been written for her.
We have been mates for 40 years, and because I know that her bragging is more a sign of her feeling less confident rather than her feeling superior, I ignore it most of the time.
I hate that feeling of being beholden to someone. I think it's one reason why so many women, especially nowadays, but I was always like this even when young, didn't want a man paying for me when I was out with him, I liked to pay my way till the relationship moved on.
Yup.
My ex wife would go shopping and buy me clothes or whatever, when I didn't need them and money was tight. She would get upset when I told her doing something for me would be leaving the money in the bank so the end off the month wasn't so stressful for me..
A couple of our friends are SO done with our #8, Mags. So much so, that they’ll deliberately keep their distance as far from her as possible whenever we all get together.
Similar to your #8, dealing with mine can be like pushing a boulder up a hill. Her whole vibe is an envious ‘Yeah well, it’s alright for YOU…‘, plus lots of weary sighing. And like yours, any minor illness/cold/bug we mention - guaranteed she’s had it a million times worse.
You picked exactly the right word - all the subliminal guilt-tripping is draining!
Thing is, unlike my other friends, I’m still not ready to cut her loose just yet. She’s had a few very bad breaks in life, and I do feel for her about that. Also, when she gets her head out of her own arse and just relaxes a bit, she can be a good laugh.
That doesn’t happen too often, but often enough for me to still give a damn about her 🤷🏻♀️
Classic guilt-tripping 101
So the question is, are you then shamed into doing something for them in return?
(I’m betting ‘Nope’
)
I tried to keep the peace with mixed results..
A spousel unit is a different kettle of fish..
Sooner or later you will move on. I never dumped her, I wanted to but like you Vam I couldn't do it. I felt I would hurt her. She did me after everything. Never spared my feelings. Had nothing in common she said, after 30yrs lol.
I was sad for a long time, but realised I felt more energised. Her poor me sucked the life out of me and I felt like a dead battery. I'm glad now, she did me a favour that I couldn't do myself.
I think you have to give people a chance.
My yardstick is resentment, as soon as I feel resentful that someone is taking a lot more than they are giving, I have no qualms in finishing a relationship, and once finished, that's it.
Yep. One might not say fuck off you arsehole and don't come back but one certainly thinks it.
(all too often in my case
)